Common Fears and Concerns for Boudoir Clients
Last year I signed up for a boudoir session with a boudoir photographer I admire, Teri Hofford. She is a body image photographer & edu-creator in Winnipeg. After I booked my session I freaked out and felt I wasn’t pretty enough to be photographed. Insecurities flooded my thoughts. I was instantly comparing myself, a pale 40 something year old in the mirror, to women I see in the media. I felt the confinements of beauty culture and of being unworthy to be photographed by a professional. I think we all suffer from being “not good enough” in our lives and we can either succumb to this feeling or feel the feeling but do it thing anyway. I am 87% the do it anyway type.
So I was feeling pretty nervous about both the session and what I’d think about the photos afterward. But in the end, I’m so glad I did it- the photos are AWESOME and I came out feeling like a million bucks. I saw that my body is looking pretty hawt for 42 years old!! That the cellulite on the back of my thighs doesn’t really take away from my overall sexiness. It made me feel that I don’t need to worry so much about how my body looks- it’s looking fine. Now my goal is to embrace and enjoy what I have. The photo above and some in the gallery below were taken by Teri. It was a webcam session because of COVID.
So often I hear clients say “every woman should experience boudoir at least once in their lifetime.” Or they tell me how much it helped them have a better body image and more self-acceptance. My favorite is when a partner reaches out thanking me because now she can see what they see. We often view ourselves in unflattering ways and under a lot of scrutiny and comparison. To have images of yourself that you love is a really wonderful gift. It can soften self-judgments and help you feel more love for your body. My wish is for everyone to feel more comfortable in their own skin and to accept themselves as they are. But there are many fears and concerns about actually doing a boudoir session. I have had them and I hear them from every client. Having a boudoir session is most likely out of your comfort zone and you likely have one or more of the common fears, so let’s talk about them!
“I struggle with body image, I am not pretty or fit enough to do a session, I have too many flaws.”
I hear you, the struggle is real. Most of us focus on our flaws and can be hyper self-critical and see ourselves as not enough. One way past this feeling is going through it. Coming out the other side and gaining new perspectives. A boudoir session can help you accept your body as is, “flaws” and all. Because when you see the photos of yourself you will see that you are beautiful. It’s a perspective shift.
To me, “flaws” are not flaws. We are all unique, and beauty is so diverse and deep!!! There is no such thing as too heavy, too thin, too pale, too dark, too dimply, too hairy, too many stretch marks, etc.
“I don’t know how to pose properly.”
Such a common feeling, but as a professional boudoir photographer, I do my research and have a heck of a lot of practice. You do not need to know how to pose, it’s my job to pose you! I’ll direct you through the whole process. I’ll demonstrate the poses for you and will likely be goofy. My goal is always to have a good time and have the session feel light and comfortable. Most of us just don’t want to look dumb or awkward in a photo- I get it!! I only want photos that feel real and look good, we have the same goal. You might come into the session feeling shy, but with each minute you’ll become more and more comfortable.
“Will my photos be kept private?”
After your session, I'll upload your photos onto a private site with a password. You and I will be the only people who have access to this site unless you choose to share it. You can choose to buy photos and keep them digitally, or you can purchase discreet gifts for yourself or your partner. I totally understand wanting to keep your boudoir secret from your kids and future employers. I will never ever ever use your photos on my website or on social media without your permission.
“I’m not comfortable being naked.”
You don’t have to be naked if you don’t want to! Naked photos are totally sexy and artistic but not pushed or necessary.
“I’m afraid I won’t like the photos of myself.”
Totally valid, and this is the most common fear. So far everyone I’ve photographed has liked their photos, so I have a pretty great track record (high five to myself). I’ll show you a few photos during the session and check in about how you’re doing. I’ll work to get the perfect poses and expressions to highlight how beautiful you are.
“I don’t have anything sexy to wear.”
Then don’t wear anything at all- just kidding. But I got you.
I’ll send you a guide before your shoot with tips and suggestions for what to wear and how to prepare. Really, I want you to wear anything that makes you feel sexy. It’s not about what I or others think is sexy. Most often womyn wear 1 or 2 sets of lingerie. You can wear just undies and be topless. Some people wear a large sweater or a t-shirt. Accessories like shoes and jewelry can be fun, but also not required! If you’re comfortable being naked that’s great, if not NBD (as mentioned above!).
I also asked in Foxy, my Facebook group, about what has helped women calm their fears when they’ve had boudoir taken. Here are some suggestions:
Bring a friend or partner/spouse to pump you up. One woman brought her husband and said “he thought it was hot and it made me feel better”.
Work with a photographer you already know or one a friend has worked with before. Having that common connection can go a long way towards increasing your comfort level.
Use a professional photographer, not a random friend. Pros have the equipment, knowledge, and experience to take photos you’ll want to have around for years. Most friends do not, and it can be uncomfortable if you don’t end up liking the photos.
Have a bit of alcohol. Obviously, this isn’t for everyone, but I ask clients if they would like a beer, shot, or glass of wine during boudoir sessions. This helps a lot of women to relax, unwind, and explore. Non-drinking/sober friends, I will always bring a yummy beverage for you too!
Boudoir allows you to see how beautiful, sensual, and just plain awesome you are. I want my clients to fall more in love with themselves after they see their photos.
Reach out to me if you have any Qs or want to talk more about your fears- I am here to listen, validate, and help you any way I can!
xoxo, Maureen
